Angel Blue
by Flightlezz
Summary: Gamzee loved Tavros. He was the deepest shade of red for him you could find. He didn't care about the hemospectrum, he didn't care about his other friends telling him to keep looking for someone better. It really hurt him when they said things like that. Tavros was everything he wanted. Tavros, however, didn't love life at all.


**A/N: **This is my first time writing a Homestuck fanfic. I'm not a national speaker so I apologize for a few grammar mistakes. Lyrics are from Angel Blue by Green Day. I do not own the lyrics, nor the characters that appear in this story and I do not earn money by this story. Hope you enjoy! ~

Rated T for TW: suicide (and Gamzee's mouth, obviously.)

* * *

Gonna build it up just to

Burn it down

You're the princess

I'm a fucking clown

Stop the presses 'cause I'm killing time

Won't you be my bloody valentine?

_»Hi.»_

The first day they met was magical. It felt like the normally dark and boring skies of Alternia were now painted with the colors of the rainbow. Purple Converses walked through the deserts and plains to reach that one hive he had been so eager to visit for days already.  
Gamzee's hands shook in nervousness as he knocked on the door, running his fingers through his messy hair and taking deep breaths to encourage himself. As the door fell open, he felt how the color of deep purple painted his face and how his heart was racing. Thanks to his trusty facepaint, his blush was never seen, though.  
Tavros stood there, smiling his innocent, happy smile. It was the first time they met outside of the Internet. It was awkward at first but they ended up spending the best gaming evening ever together.

_»I'm not good with words, as you know. I don't know where you are when you will read this. I don't know when you will read this. However, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry.»_

They talked every day through Trollian. In the mornings Gamzee couldn't wait to open his husktop and in the evenings he refused to close it. They would talk all night, even about the silliest of things. Gamzee barely even bothered to chat with his other troll friends as Tavros grew closer and closer to him. He wanted to spend all of his time with him.  
However, there was a lot of differences between them. Gamzee loved life. He loved the sea, he loved the taste of ten different Faygos, he loved the miracles life gave to him, he loved Tavros. He was the deepest shade of red for him you could find. He didn't care about the hemospectrum, he didn't care about his other friends telling him to keep looking for someone better. It really hurt him when they said things like that. Tavros was everything he wanted.  
Tavros, however, didn't love life at all. The other trolls calling him childish, pathetic, weak. Vriska continuously cyberbullying and mocking him for what he liked. He enjoyed Flarping, though. Aradia and Terezi were his best Flarping friends. Unfortunately, Vriska joined those Flarping sessions as well. They all got along quite well however, until that one day. They weren't wigglers anymore, they should have been able to take care of themselves. The three other trolls handled themselves pretty nicely, but Tavros was not being careful enough, and that's when Vriska hit him, using her mind powers to throw him off a cliff. That didn't end the way he wanted, though. Instead of breaking his neck, he broke his legs. He then understood that even Vriska wanted him to die, even though she had been claiming to be his friend. After that day Tavros wanted to end it all so badly. He wanted to die. However, he had Gamzee who comforted him whenever he felt bad – which was pretty often. He was flushed for him for sure, he knew it. He was flushed for his best friend, the one who always made his day a little better. He hated himself for that.

_»I'm so sorry. I will most likely ruin your day with this, but at least... Well, see, I was thinking that this would be the best solution for the both of us.»_

As days passed, the flushed feelings got even deeper and it was hard for the both of them to not express their feelings. They hung out every time it was possible and did everything together. Gamzee even got to catch a glimpse of his lusus while they were playing on the beach, which made him happier than ever before. Karkat kept saying that the old goat came out to see Gamzee's new boyfriend. Nepeta kept telling him that she couldn't wait to draw a red heart between them on her shipping wall.

_»I've been the worst matesprit a troll could ever ask for. I'm sorry about that. And really, even if it's hard to believe, these aren't just words. I really mean it. I really am sorry.»_

One day, Gamzee couldn't keep it to himself anymore. He couldn't keep his hugs only friendly and his words only cheerful to have a good friend. He decided to tell Tavros that he was flushed for him and suggest them to have 'sloppy makeouts', even if it would ruin their friendship. He wanted to have him as a matesprit, not only as a moirail. After all, he was nothing more than a confused teenager, trying to find the missing piece of his blood pusher.  
He threw his husktop aside, not wanting to see the reply. He waited in horror for the bleep that would alert him about a new message. And as soon as the bleep was to be heard, he took a sip of one of his Faygos, knowing that it would be a yes or a no.  
Tavros' heart had skipped a beat as he read the messages Gamzee had sent him. He couldn't believe this. He pinched himself a few times to make sure this wasn't just another dream, then bursting into tears, light brown liquid streaming down his cheeks. Those were tears of pure happiness though. He had been dreaming about this day. After waking up he would have laughed at himself and told himself to be less stupid. But now, all of this was true. All of his dreams were coming true. He could hardly type an answer as the tears made his vision blurry, but after a few moments a simple 'yes' was written and sent.

_»Do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Those times you yelled at me... you always had a good reason. Me, not so much. You really cared about me and I was too blind to notice it before it was too late.»_

They never really fought. But when they did, it usually was about Gamzee's pies and how they were unhealthy for him or Tavros' conversations with Vriska and why he never blocked her. Tavros was afraid of her, after all, because of her his legs didn't work. Because of her he could have died long ago. Gamzee always called it miracles, how he was still alive, and hugged him for what felt like an eternity to make the bad thoughts go away.  
Overall, they were happily together in a matespritship. Gamzee was kind of sad because his lusus died before they ended up together so they couldn't have deep father-son conversations about red feelings. It was same for Tavros, though, in his case it felt even worse since it was Tavros himself that ran over his lusus accidentally.  
They would often lie outside, watching the stars. Neither of them knew a lot about outer space and so, but they loved the colors of Alternian sky in the evening. They would have movie nights and gaming nights, and after a night together they would switch shirts for a day. They had these little funny things that nobody else understood. Nepeta was their closest mutual friend, since she 'couldn't get enough of her ship number one' or something like that.  
Tavros couldn't get the smile fade from his face when he spent time with Gamzee. He was way too happy and sometimes he even was glad that instead of his neck he got his legs broken. Gamzee always said that he wanted to heal him. He wanted the other troll to be happy, no matter what. Gamzee never hurt him. Not a single time. He was always gentle and loving, no matter what. He even made 'motherfucker' sound like the cutest word ever.

_»You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You could have got anyone else and yet you chose me. I'm forever thankful for these amazing sweeps I've got to spend with you. I hope that you find someone better than me, because you deserve it.»_

It was early in the morning and Gamzee had just got up, giggling as he noticed that the shirt he had on wasn't one of his own. The typical morning routine; get up, have some Faygo and pie, check Trollian. For some reason, he felt weird this morning. It was as if something was missing. He kept looking around his hive but couldn't find anything missing. With a shrug of his shoulders he opened his husktop and logged in to Trollian. It was so early that only Terezi was online. Oh well, might as well talk to her, the Capricorn thought to himself and greeted the Libra quite cheerfully.

_»I'm sorry for breaking the promise. I promised to be with you forever. And yet here I am, writing my last words ever. I'm so sorry. You know what drove me to this decision. I hope that you will appreciate my decision, no matter how bad this makes you feel. I will soon be in the very same place with Goatdad and Tinkerbull. Some day you will join us too, but not in a while. You got a life to live.»_

Time passed and everyone logged in, one by one, expect one. AdiosToreador's name didn't blink to alert about his presence, neither did any of the other trolls know where he could be. A sudden fear struck Gamzee as Nepeta told him that Tavros was unwilling to talk to her for the past few days.  
The clown checked his troll equivalent for a phone, nothing. He waited on his door, patiently, still nothing. He went through their past Trollian conversations to see if he had said something wrong or been rude. Who was he kidding? He would never, not in any situation, be rude to his matesprit. As the clock ticked, he got even more worried, now only walking around his hive, desperately waiting for the bleep to be heard from his husktop.  
And the waiting really paid off, because he finally heard the bleep, bolting to his husktop. Yes, Tavros seemed to be online now. A sigh of relief came from the Capricorn as he typed in a greeting and asked quite curiously where the other troll had been all day.  
He stopped breathing for a moment when the brown-colored answer came.  
It was only four words: 'I will miss you.'  
Gamzee rose from his horn pile as quickly as he could and put his shoes on. This can't be happening, he thought to himself. This can't be motherfucking happening.  
He rushed out the door, now running toward the younger troll's hive. They lived quite far away from each other, which was why they didn't meet every day. Now he however was running for his life, his shoes full of sand, his hair messier than ever, his makeup looking awful and his mind still a bit too hazy from eating too many pies. He couldn't breathe properly since he was panicking and had to carry two of his juggling clubs with him; he always had to have them with him when moving outside his hive alone since it was dangerous for young trolls with every single creature wanting to eat their flesh. Only those four words and an overwhelming worry over his matesprit drove him forward on his way.

_»I will miss you so much, you have no idea. I will probably even regret this a few times just thinking about you. But I know that I made the right decision. You will be happier without me.»_

The door came down with a single kick when the highblood finally reached the lowblood's hive. He dropped his clubs right after he went in. The first thing he noticed was that it was tidy. It was way too tidy to be Tavros' hive. There was no plushies lying on the floor, no video games, nothing. Everything was set on place as if nobody even ever lived here.  
The second thing he noticed was a letter on his closed husktop. He shook his head violently, not wanting to believe this. The pies' effects were no longer distracting him and he could see everything clearly. He rushed to the living room, his jaw dropping and heart stopping for a moment.  
There he was, his beautiful matesprit sitting on his wheelchair, the two sizes too big Capricorn shirt on. The brown blood was everywhere, but for the most part it was on his wrists, the brown being slightly darker on that area.  
Gamzee found himself holding the younger troll, hugging him as if to make it all better again. He held Tavros' lifeless body, closing his eyes and letting the purple tears come. He wanted to scream but his whole body felt too numb to do such thing. He shook his head, unwilling to believe this as he held the boy even closer.  
Was this his fault?  
Was he never good enough?  
Did his words hurt him?  
The questions ran wildly in his head and made him sob even more. This was too much to be true.

_»I'm sorry, Gamzee.»_

The tears smudged the text as he read the letter, sitting on the floor, his pajama pants now dirty of the brown. Tavros was sorry. It was him who needed to be sorry, not the Taurus. Why didn't he tell him that he felt already _this_ bad? Why did he leave him like this?  
Gamzee hated himself. For not noticing how bad Tavros felt. For not being there when he needed him the most. This night and morning, Tavros had been writing this letter and he had been polluting his thinkpan with useless pie and talking to the other trolls. If only he had known. If only he had known...  
»Gamzee? Are you in there?» the juggalo suddenly heard a familiar sound from the door. It was Nepeta. »I got furried and thought to come over. Are you two alright?»  
Gamzee wiped off the last couple of tears, smudging his makeup even worse. »Yeah», he answered, taking a deep breath, standing up. Nepeta kept asking questions. She was on the door, not being rude enough to just step in. She did not see to the living room, though this whole situation probably creeped her out. He did not listen. He looked at the boy who had taken his own life, stepping closer and pressing a final kiss to Tavros' lips, getting a few brown stains on his own as he did. »Motherfucking forever», he said calmly, now walking away from the living room, picking up the juggling clubs he had dropped when he had walked in.  
»Gamzee! What happened? You don't look too good», Nepeta said, worried, too afraid to reach to the highblood to offer her help. She just stood there, not knowing what to do.  
Gamzee's grip on the club tightened.

Now I'm singing out of the alphabet

As the tears are putting out my cigarette

We'll hit the cemetery

So we can see the holiday lights

Waking up the dead

And everything will be alright

Alright


End file.
